So…I have been trying to post on here something about "friends/family"… the meaning of family… and such for a few weeks. Finally… I think that I have the words to share!!!! Over the past 2 months, I have flown over 18,000 miles-- and it has been absolutely crazy!!! One of the biggest things that I faced on my 2nd trip to California (in the span of 8 days), was the feeling of being "left out" of fun stuff, and not really being able to keep up with people-- and just feeling like what I had been building… and had built, was going to change… and the journey began...
At first, I really missed my friends and really missed that sense of "family" that I have always longed for and finally had!!! And, as I spent the majority of my time over the past 2 months in airports, Marriott hotels and in rental cars… I had a lot of time to myself. A LOT. I had never really felt like I didn't like being alone, until I literally HAD to be alone. I felt like it was just me and my thoughts-- and I didn't like it at all!!! I mean, there are only so many times you can waste planning your next meal!!! You see, being single at 31 is not the norm for any of my friends. And actually, 97.675% of my friends are married and most have kids… so, having a conversation for longer than 15 minutes without interruptions feels like a Christmas miracle in my life!!! hahha!!! So, you can imagine feeling like there isn't really anyone to connect with via phone… while in airports, in hotels, in rental cars. So… I had a choice… and I was faced with the reality of being alone, but I had a choice on what I would put my trust in. Would I allow the facts of my situation… single, alone, far from family/friends… to dictate to me what I believed. OR, would I find a "new way" to do things??!! I would love to say that it was automatic to pick the faith filled, bible believing truth...but it wasn't for me. I struggled at first. I was paving a new way of living and a new way of doing "family" than I had ever done before… and I didn't know how to… and, the way I had done it before somehow lead to so much pain, disappointment and hurt in the long run… and I wanted to find a new way but had no idea where to start or how to do it differently...
Then, God…
He gave me the strength to just keep taking steps forward-- and combat the realities of the season of life that I am in… trusting my heart with him… AND THE PATH BECAME MORE CLEAR!!!
He gave me the words to journal and pour out my heart when I didn't know if it would help or not… even in the middle of a crowded airplane… AND HEALING WAS IN HIS WINGS!!!
He gave me perspectives and revelations about my life that explained my longings for family… I started to see that this time things could actually be be different… AND HOPE STARTED TO FLOURISH!!!
He showed me that He was always and will always and does always come through…that He alone can be trusted completely… AND I FOUND MY HOME IN HIS HANDS!!!
He knocked on my heart at night, in the morning, in the security check point line… and reminded me that He is closer than the next whisper and the only constant companion that I will ever know… AND I SETTLED INTO THE REALITY OF HIS LOVE!!!
He came close to me and I literally felt his loving touch when I thought I might unravel from the lies of the enemy… and he just filled my heart… AND THINGS BECAME MORE CLEAR!!!
He whispered gently to me and said things like "I hear you" or "It's okay" or "I am right here"… and it was the little bit I needed… AND I FOUND HIS PERSPECTIVE!!!
… as I journeyed on this road… as I kept L,R,L,R… as I kept going… little by little God started to do something amazing!!! Something that is unlike anything I ever thought could happen… I was finally able let go and trust God with those that in my mind were my "family"-- near, far and all over this country. Truly trust Him. Its like grace finally came together in this whole journey… and, it was all for the very first time!!! God started to re-define my whole concept of "family"… and (SHOCKER)… he simplified it!!!
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| Carey… on the guitar! LOVE HER… sosososo!!! |
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| Oh.. i just LOVE this girl… Wendy Loo.. <3 |
Now… in my heart… family is...
…people that are different than you, from different backgrounds, from different walks of life, from different life journeys
…people that God picks, not me :)
…made up of the ones that stick by you even when you can't tell up from down
…people that come from the most unlikely places
…those that live all over the country and world for that matter
…people who laugh with you and cry with you… either/or… both/and
…ones who value who you are and see the treasure in you
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| Oh Megan… how precious!!! |
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| hehe… the only picture I have of Sarah… just happened to be with sweet Raleigh! |
So… in looking at that list, family is not a place, family is not a group…
Family (to me) is really made up of those that make your heart feel at home when you are with them!!
And, I am so thankful to have family in California, in Nashville, in NYC, in Charlotte, in Florida, and even in other nations in the world!!! I am sosoososososos thankful for the family… and really, for the FAMILIES that He has graced me to be a part of!!!
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| April… my BGEA buddy!! |
God is redefining family for me… and extended my own Jamaican family roots!! He is helping me to see the treasure in all parts of the "family" that He has graciously given me!!! And, man… he sure is simplifying the truth of family in His eyes… and it has been so freeing!!!
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| the girls… Charlotte…adore them all soooooo |
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| My Tia… and her kiddos… presh! |
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| BOBA… my BGEA family… oh my!!! |
