Bye Felicia, I Mean Facebook.

Bye Felicia. 

I am deactivating my Facebook page. And I bet it seems a bit "dramatic" to write a blog post about why. Oh well, call me dramatic. I don't mind! haha. But, really, I am writing about this because I don't want people to think that I am just "sick of" the political, societal and relational drama that pops up daily on my FB feed. Or, that I am just being "anti social" or acting as an ultra conservative hermit. 

Here are my reasons...

1) My Ego- I like when I get "likes". A superficial thumbs up in a Facebook post or picture is feeding my desire for popularity. Sometimes leading to checking my Facebook page 10-15 times a day...and that is a low estimate. 

2) My Time - It ends up being about 35 minutes a day of what I would call "mindless entertainment". But actually, it isn't mindless. It is affecting my heart and pushing my buttons. And that 4 hours a week adds up!

3) My Friends- I need a season of redefining (for myself) what friendship really looks like :)

4) My Agenda- I have found myself pushing my own personal agenda on Facebook. I want people to think, act and talk like me. I do. And, I want to use social media to tell my side of the story through my status updates. And I really shouldn't. It's spiteful and ugly. 

5) My Perfect Picture- I frame pictures. I set them up with the perfect view in the background with the perfect "facial expression". Sometimes, I will take 10 pictures of the same thing to make sure it is "Facebook/Instagram" worthy. Yikes. 

6) My "Reality" - I know people who are struggling, lonely, depressed and overwhelmed with life... and yet, every FB post is happy, cheerful and #perfect. Now, I have no place to judge motives, and it could be therapeutic for them. I'm just saying that I have found myself doing that sometimes too-- enough to make me want to take a closer look at why. 

7) My Mind- Basically, I want to learn more about our society/culture-- and get my news from credible sources... instead of checking my FB feed first thing in the morning.  I want to learn about things that I feel are of true value to me :)

8) I want more SPACE for my relationship with the Lord :) All I will say here is that when I realized that "fasting social media" was considered an option in my mind... I knew that something needed to change :) 

9) My Voice- I am opinionated. (shocker??!!) And, posting my opinion or thoughts on social media isn't really about anyone else but myself! It wasn't in an effort to serve someone else or love someone else. It was about MEEEEE. And that selfishness has to change. 

10) My heart- I've been unintentionally hurt by things my friends have posted on FB. unintentionally, but hurt nonetheless. On the flip side, I am sure I have hurt people too from insensitive posts or uploading pictures from dinner parties that leave other friends out :( 

11) Social Change- I think that our communities and neighborhoods need people who are intentional and have a desire for real change. AND, I have found that social media (Facebook in particular) has a way of superficially satisfying my desire to affect change.... but in reality, all I have done is posted about racism or loving others.  I haven't physically invested. I haven't really touched someone else. By posting on social media, I have felt like I am doing something, when in reality... I am not doing anything but typing on my iPhone or computer. 

I am fully aware that some might think that these reasons are not substantial, or not really a big deal. Maybe so.  I am just saying that I got caught up in the social media black hole and I don't like it. 

As I have shared about my departure from FB, there have been a handful of sweet, sweet people that have shared that they want to keep in touch and have actually enjoyed reading and watching stuff in my life unfold. So, I won't say that I will be "gone" forever. But, what I will say is that when I do come back on FB in 6 months, a year or 10 years... it will be with greater clarity about the purpose and place that it has in my life. It will be on my "terms" if you will :) 

So, there you go. I think that Facebook is an incredible tool for so many reasons. Artists, Musicians, writers, and people in need can find traction and garner community support. It is a place where families and friends can be involved in one another lives. It is a space where long distance friendship can continue to grow and flourish. All positive things. 

Personally, though, I have seen it do more damage than good in the last year or so. 

And, although I will miss seeing updates about the lives of people that I truly love, I am choosing (for a season) to give myself the gift of time and space. With an extra 45 minutes a day, I will have ...

...Time to listen to Ted Talks and read the NY Times

...Time to finish Screwtape Letters and Narnia 

...Time to actually do things in my community that matter... putting my words into action

...Space to write in my journal without being so distracted

...Space to write and mail letters to friends 

...Time to have long, thoughtful conversations

...Space to ponder and think about the future that God has for me

My heart and mind will be better for it :) 

So, bye-bye for now, Facebook... 

Journeying onward, 

Nandi 

PS. I watched a really neat Ted Talk by Pico Iyer called "The Art of Stillness"-- take a look see. It is a neat perspective and adds more words to what I shared in this post. (As if I needed help with using more words! haha). 

Ted Talk- Pico Iyer

Monday night. The dinner table. In Baltimore.

For the most part, I have been silent and (in all honesty) steered clear of the conversations surrounding the racial climate of our nation over the last few years. I just have been. It’s really heartbreaking to even admit.

But, over the last few days it has been different. You see, all that is happening surround Freddie Gray’s death has hit so close to home for me. Literally. I have been in Baltimore at my brother’s house since Sunday. The pain, unrest, fighting, constant media coverage and strong language has been difficult to stomach. Especially last night.

My nieces and nephew came home from school yesterday just as the peaceful protests because violent and destructive. TV News coverage and social media started to erupt. And, sad to say, I did what I usually do when this stuff happens. I shake my head, and say “it’s so sad” or “it doesn’t have to be this way”.  And more than anything, I distance myself. Then, just as I was allowing my heart to become hard once again, one of my nieces started to read the tweets that her friends were posting about those that were rioting last night…

“these people are terrorists”

“next time a cop does something bad, pull up the videos of these animals ruining Baltimore and tell me who was in the wrong”

“they should be shot with rubber bullets and have their hands cut off”

As she read these to us, I was shocked. So sad. And hurt for her...for us all. It was the look on her face. It was hearing the hurt in her voice. And then she said “…and they are supposed to be my friends”. Ugh. Visibly, it was getting to all of us. We tried to make sense of what was happening on TV and what her friends at school were saying. Dehumanizing those that were rioting because they were black. So hurtful. 

Then, a few memories came up for me…

I was 16.  I got a new car for my birthday. As I was leaving school, a group of guys waved a confederate flag in front of my car as I pulled out of the school parking lot. I was crushed. I sobbed the entire way home.  

I was 22 and working in Nashville, a lady that worked at a supermarket (in Brentwood, mind you) followed me out of a store because she suspected that I stole something.  Needless to say I went back inside and had some words with her. I was irate. 

I’ve been the token black person. I have been the diverse face. I have had people say “wow, you are so articulate”—as if I shouldn’t be. It’s hurtful, and until yesterday… it was buried. Deep. Way down. (((AND Don’t get me wrong—it is not in the SAME vicinity as what others have experienced, but it hurt. That’s all I’m saying.)))

Going back to the dinner table last night... it felt like a teeny, tiny bit of what I was seeing on TV was now, in fact, right here. In the kitchen. At the table.  Call it trivial if you want to, but I can tell you that it wasn’t. And as the night went on, my niece (who is AMAZING!) sent an email to the dean of her school expressing the discomfort and hurt she was feeling—while encouraging her fellow students’ rights to freedom of speech. She was respectful while being direct and honest…and her actions challenged me so much. I started to look at myself…

Would I have done that when I was her age? Nope. But, WHY NOT, Nandi?????

Fast forward. Over the course of today, I have done some digging in my own heart and some praying too. Thinking about what my niece did, and praying that the Lord would show me what this means practically for me… and maybe for those of us that want to engage in this. I mean, the Church and those that profess to be Christians play such a vital role in leading the way in these conversations of racial tension and the road to relational reconciliation…. But, how???

Lets start with what the answer is not :) I will use my own mistakes as examples….

The answer is not to turn off the TV and wait for it to blow over. The answer is not to JUST send up a few prayers before bed… YES, we must pray, but fervently and with intention for action. The answer is not to just huddle in a corner with those that fuel the fire towards more talk and no action. The answer is not to use separatist language when talking behind closed doors.

I have done ALLLLLLL of these things listed above. Every. Single. One. It is sad to say it, but I have. Out of my own selfishness, pride, desire for self preservation and fear of what others would think about me, I have remained unmoved by the more controversial social issues facing our generation. I have not just passed the baton, I have left it in its place. Ethereally, leaving it to “other people” to do something…(and who are those other people, Nandi??!! Ugh)

The digging and praying and such lead to a few things that came up in my heart.…

Shrink your world, Nandi: To change the world is daunting…no?? Yes. It is. I felt challenged today to make my world smaller. And, in doing so… engage my friends and family in fruitful conversations regarding prejudice, violence, race relations and other issues of social justice and equality on all fronts—especially those issues that don’t fit in a box and are considered taboo.

Seek to understand, don’t seek to be understood, Nandi: Conversations of this type are few and far between. Open, honest, loving conversations between those that have mutual respect for one another is of utmost importance—specifically those from different economic and racial backgrounds. Until now, I haven’t wanted to understand. Really, I have just wanted to get my point across. The Lord has opened my heart… I want to understand.  

It starts in the home, Nandi: What those kids said on twitter last night was from their parents.  It was.I was like that when I was their age too. Kids are parrots. Now, I am not a parent… but, I can tell you that what you talk about, or don’t talk about, at home speaks VOLUMES. It does. If you don’t talk about it and address racial prejudice and the like… where will they get their answers from? Lets not even go there. Lets just say it won’t be good.

OKAY…. NOW, I am going to go THERE (you know that place you shouldn’t go to, but have to go to… I am going there!)… Both Blacks and Whites have to make some changes at home when dealing specifically with the issue at hand…. TALK about these things at the dinner table, come up with practical solutions for conflict resolution, encourage your kids to use their voices at school and in other social settings aimed at mutual understanding and love.

As a parent, if you really have a heart to see change, create a space for your kids to continue to talk about social injustice, specifically those that are so divisive in our generation. Let them come to you, as parents, to voice their frustrations and ask questions. If you don’t know the answer, that is okay. It is! Just don’t give up… lean in. The home is so important…make it a safe place to talk. As awkward and difficult as it sounds, just do it. You might be surprised what you do or don’t hear. ((I don't profess to know anything about parenting... but, this is something that dropped in my heart and I felt like I needed to share! Just FYI!) 

These aren't the only answers, by any means! But, they are three things that came up so strongly as I looked at MYSELF over the course of today :) 

Whew. That was a long one… but, that’s okay because I had a lot to say I guess!

And, I want to also put it out there (for anyone that actually read this far), that if you are reading this and have questions and want to engage in thoughtful exchange about any of this, I would LOVE THAT! I really would. And, if I don’t know something… I will prayerfully seek out answers and do the best I can.

Thanks for listening. I pray that God would help me in all of this. 

Journeying onward,

Nandi

PS…my niece was just elected as the VP of Diversity at her school for the next calendar year! I am so PROUD of her for stepping into a space that can make a real difference. Even if one person is challenged, like I was, it will be such a successful year :)

New seasons. New chapters.

I'm not sure how to start this blog, so I will just dive right in. 

I'm moving… 

There, I said it! Finally, after 3 months of praying, searching, asking, sharing and fighting… I can now say that God is moving my heart towards a new city with new challenges and new opportunities. 

I'm moving to Dallas, TX. 

The last 3 years of my time in Charlotte has been difficult. I have shared some of that on this blog, but most of it is between me and my counselor :) It really has looked NOTHING like I thought it would...

...But. (You know, there is always a "but")…

In the quietness of the last 3 years, I found out some things about myself and my King that I wouldn't trade for anything! Really, I wouldn't. In the middle of all of the ups and downs, I found me. I found my voice. Really, my time in Charlotte has been a gracious and humbling gift from the hands of Jesus… as he gently and patiently pulled back the layers to show me… me. 

Just as I was "settling into" the normal rhythms of life here, God started to stir my heart to take a good, hard, long look at a few things :) And, I finally started asking myself some LIFE questions :) Have you ever done that?! Questions like…why am I here? what am I supposed to be doing? what are my gifts? And on and on. Patiently, privately and queitely… just me and Jesus. We talked. 

Then a few months ago, after a series of events that I can look back at as the providential hand of God, I asked myself these questions…

"Are you ready to truly serve the Church? Would you be confident to reason through the scriptures with the broken and outcast? Do you know why you believe what you believe? "

… my answer to each question: nope. nada. 

I am SOOOO grateful to the Lord that He didn't allow these questions to send me on a tailspin. Just the opposite-- I started to pray. Like really pray! I pulled a few (of the MOST amazing and Godly) people around me to help me navigate it all… and then, His answer became clear...

… Seminary. Dallas Theological Seminary. 

Scary. Exciting. Thrilling. 

AHHH!!! I have always heard that Seminary is more of a cemetery. Hmm. I do realize that Seminary is NOT for everyone. I know that I am ill equipped to handle the testing, trying and shaking of my faith. BUT (there is the "but" again)… what happens in fire? what truly happens in trials? what happens when we step out of the boat, and into the wind and the waves? 

Refining. Completion. Water walking. 

SO… here I go! OH, to say that I am overwhelmed when I look at what the next 5 months will bring… would be an understatement! I mean, I am walking away from my job at Billy Graham, need someone to rent my apartment for 3 months and still am in the process of completing my application! WOW. And, in all honesty, I am about 86% sure about this decision (which is another blog post for another day)… but just like my friend Sophie says… "IT'S A FAITH WALK" (THANKS SOPH!!!) … and to go off on a little tangent, I am forever grateful for the handful of sweet, sweet friends that fueled this walk of faith by their prayers and encouragement!!! thank you all sooo crazy much!

Really, I don't want regrets. I don't want "what if's". I want to stand before my Lord one day and know that I emptied myself fully for the cause of Christ saying…"wherever, whenever, whatever you have for me, I will take it willingly and love you as we walk together"...

Journeying onward!

Love, 

Nandi 

Gossip.

Those that walk closest with me know that the last year has been extremely difficult for me, both professionally and personally. I found myself in unfamiliar territory and facing challenges that showed me what was REALLY in my heart. Just to name a few… I have seen spiritual pride, experienced crippling fear and battled discouragement and even cynicism. Lets just say, it hasn't been real pretty.  You can imagine that I have been expectant about 2015… and have put my car on cruise control :) You know, Thanksgiving…Christmas…cakes…icecream…presents…2015. 

Apparently God didn't get a copy of my script.

Let me start here. I am a verbal processor. I am. Most women are in some way or another. And us verbal processors have to be careful about what we say. Really, we have to be careful about what we think about and what is in our hearts, because eventually it will make its way out of our mouths. Oh, IT WILL. I promise you. 

This is exactly what happened to me a little over a week ago. I sat down with a well-respected leader in my life. Someone that I trust immensly and I was just SO sure would understand my frustrations. I started explaining myself… 

"...yeah, she makes me so mad… and I even went so far as to tell him about her and…" 

He stopped me dead in my tracks. He said, "Nandi, you shouldn't have talked about her with another person… you should have gone directly to her. It's not biblical. You need to go and tell her what you have done". 

I felt as small as an ant. Maybe as small as a fruitfly. Yeah, a fruitfly. It was official. I was a gossip. I had been slandering. I wanted to hide. 

What happened next was a first for me. I sat down across the table from the person I had been gossiping about and did one of the hardest things I have ever done. I said… "I have been talking about you…my pride and selfishness stopped me from doing what is right and coming directly to you…it's slander, I know it…I am ashamed of what I have done…please forgive me."  ( I will say, I didn't do it perfectly and wasn't given any real help or direction on how to do something like this :( I did find a great book and podcast AFTER this conversation…they are mentioned at the bottom of this post!)

As I sat there across the table from one of God's beloved daughters, I realized that sin truly has a high price… my sin had cost me so much. It just cost me my integrity, put a wedge between me and the Lord and damaged a relationship that might never be restored. I cried. She cried. And there were no hugs at the end. Just lots and lots of pain. 

That was a little over a week ago. And, over the last 7 days, I have had some time to think, pray and try and figure out how in the world I got where I did. And although there are SO many things I could list, it really all boils down to one thing.

I lessened my sin. 

Honestly, gossip wasn't a sin to me. It wasn't in the same vicinity as doing drugs or having sex outside of marriage. Gossip wasn't even on my own personal continuum of sin. I was being my own God. I was making my own list of right and wrong. I excused myself and decided I was the exception. So grieving.  

Plain and simple...gossip and sowing discord are an abomination to God. (Prov. 6:16-19) And as I have repented for my choices to the Lord and in that room last week, I have realized the heaviness of sin, and the grace and strength that is released through the gift of repentance. 

Let me say, I want to do better. 

I don't want to talk about people behind their backs. I don't want to slander and then say "I shouldn't have said that" just to make myself feel better. But, it is clear that I can't on my own. I want to give in to my flesh. I want to get my own way. Me, Nandi, in myself… I can't do anything good or right. 

OH, how I need the Holy Spirit's help…really bad. And with his help… I can grow each day. And hopefully, look more like him as I lean into Him for help to choose his way… not my own. 

Thanking him already for the ways that he will meet me the next time I face a temptation to gossip! Choosing to bury my little face in the bible and meditate on what it says about speaking life, loving God, taking up my cross and following Jesus!

What am I really saying??!! Lets not lessen our sin anymore and cheapen Jesus' sacrifice on the cross. Lets call it what it is, turn from it, and live to reflect the Glory of God in every area of our lives! 

Impossible. Yes. Possible. Yes. 

Journeying onward. 

PS- I bought an AMAZING book called "The Peace Maker" by Ken Sandee that is ALL about how confront, face and resolve conflict in a healthy, Godly way. It is soooo GOOD! Also, if you have a desire to really grow in this area… this podcast has been so helpful to me... 

Biblical Peacemaking- Reconciling and Amending by Matt Chandler, The Village Church

Oh Jealousy.

Jealousy. 

As I dive head first into this post, I think that it would be beneficial to set the stage. 

Earlier this month I had a lengthy catch up conversation with a friend of mine. We went back and forth, sharing our hearts and cheering one another on in the things of the Lord. When we ventured into the fears and challenges, she shared with me that there were some women in her life that were mean to her. I was actually speechless. You see, this friend of mine is selfless. She puts herself last, to put others first. She is such a servant. She cheers on other people like it's her job. 

Add then, I had an AHAAAA moment. They were just jealous. They were jealous of her, her family, her gifts…her. 

As I shared my deep epiphany with her, I said something like "what you need to do is surround yourself with people like me, who aren't jealous of who you are. I want to cheer you on and see you be all that God has called you to be."  AND, I am happy to share that I meant every. single. word. Those that know me best, know that jealousy has been a form of kryptonite for me the last 10 years. So, this was a moment that I could have just waded in alllllllll day. 

Then this week...

I saw something. I overheard something. And I came face-to-face with someone else getting what I want. Not just in anything, but in something that I WANT. Really badly. And have wanted for like 5 years. 

My heart started to harden. I wanted that, and didn't want them to have it. "What is wrong with you?" I kept thinking to myself. Then I realized that my long lost friend came to pay a little visit...

Jealousy. 

So sneaky. So unpredictable. So sly. So painful. So frustrating. So crippling. My mind was spinning with lies and facts. I started to become overwhelmed with what I was facing on the inside and on the outside. 

What did I do next? I complained to the Lord. I told him why I deserved to get what I want. I explained to him that I had been waiting for what they were getting. Basically, I took the whole "be honest with God" thing to a whole new level. It was all I had… and it didn't help. Shocker. 

Then tonight. 

I was on a run and Jesus started to talk to me about this whole jealousy thing. And, I was ready for it. I was ready for him to say "okay, first do this… and next, do that" or, "how could you, Nandi? Don't you trust my love for you? Sheesh". I braced myself. 

In the next moment, Psalm 103:2 came up in my heart. 

"Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all of his benefits". 

I had nothing to lose, so I just went for it. I recited, out loud, the benefits of knowing Jesus. I am forgiven…I am free…I am redeemed…my name is in the Book of Life. 

Then, something really neat started to happen. My heart started to well up with gratitude and remembrance of the faithfulness of God in the very area that I am struggling with at the moment… Jealousy. I recalled moments last year when I literally thought I was going to come apart because a friend was getting married, or going on a date. Babies being born. Dream jobs being given out. Books being published. He brought me through. He helped me to express heartfelt and honest celebration for those that were on the receiving such wonderful gifts from Him. 

As I turned the last corner of the walk back to my apartment, Phil 1:6 dropped into my little mind..."And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."

He that has begun a good work in me, will complete it. 

He will complete it. Completely. 

I would love to say that the jealousy just up and vanished. It didn't. But, what did happen was much more than that… I embraced the label "work in progress" and was reminded that my part is to position myself at the feet of Jesus, and his part is to complete the work that he is doing in my life. 

I know that I will find Him faithful. You will too. 

Journeying onward. 

Nandi 

The Chasm.

The Truth has been on my mind. 

...Where did I get what I believe is the Truth about God? What is it that has formed what I believe about Jesus and His life, death, resurrection, ascension and return? Who have I copied without first checking what I was being taught by the written word of God? 

These questions all started with an ongoing conversation that I have had with a new sweet friend of mine. Her and I have been talking for a while about being "other"-- and as we have talked and prayed and discussed the word of God together, I have found that much of what I have thought as radically devoted to God is actually… normal, biblical Christianity. 

I mean, looking at just the Gospels, we see Jesus telling His followers...

…to take up your cross and lose your life

…that murder and adultery actually happens at intent

…that forgiveness is not realized at a certain number

…that the mouth gives an open view of the heart

As I have been reading my bible again with a desire for it to show me what is in my own heart, I have found myself being confronted with the chasm that separates how I actually live from what I read in the Truth of God's word. 

Let me give you an example. 

Just recently I had a conversation with someone that really bothered me. Like really bothered me. And, at first, I was so righteously angry at the other person for sharing something inappropriate and seemingly spiteful about another believer. As I thought about it more and more, I found myself almost in tears. Then, I heard the gentle and loving whisper of the Holy Spirit... 

..."Nandi, why are you so angry?"... 

I fumbled a bit. Then, I told Jesus that I was mad at what had been said and started pointing the finger at the other person. "Well, Jesus, they said…, and then it made me feel….". He let me just talk and talk and talk, and when I had finally taken a breath... ever so lovingly, the Holy Sprit started to flash scenes in my mind of conversations that I had had just recently that were ALMOST IDENTICAL to what I had experienced, EXCEPT that I was the one speaking slanderously. I was the one who was sharing things that I had no business talking about. Things that were not edifying, strengthening or encouraging. They were ugly, mean and spiteful. Really, all from a place of my own insecurity and giving in to gossip. Ugh. 

Thats when I began to cry and just ask God for his forgiveness. I was so grieved by my own sin and ugliness. 

In a moment, the Holy Spirit brought a phrase that a really respected leader in my life said to a group that I was in… he said, "don't say or start any conversation with someone, about someone else, that you wouldn't finish if that person walked right up to you". Wow. Isn't that so opposite from the world? But, wait… to go a step further, I am starting to see that this way of living is so opposite of MY own Christianity. Doesn't the bible say that others will know us by our love, one to another? Man. I sure did miss that boat!

So, what next on this journey? I mean what do I do with all of this? Honestly, I am not 100% sure what it will look like on the outside, but I know that I have had some decisions to make on the inside when it comes to the Truth... 

I have made the decision to believe the word of God, no matter what. I have decided that the bible is true when it talks about caring for widows and orphans, and when it talks about the bountiful riches we receive in the family of God. I have decided that the bible is true when it says that lying is a sin, and when it talks about the abounding love of Christ available to us who believe.  

I have decided to take the entire bible as the Truth, not just parts that feel really good… and I have to admit, its been an interesting journey!

And actually, in all of this… it has made me realize more and more in the deepest places of my heart that without His grace, His power, His help, His forgiveness and His leading… I will continue to give in to the temptation to make the Almighty into an image that I can wrap my mind around. Let's just say that the whisper that has come out of my mouth more lately than any other time in my walk with Jesus has been, "help me"... 

In the end, I am learning that what I have been told, believed and seen as radical is actually...normal. So, I guess this season is all about...

A new normal. 

(journeying onward)

The Gospel.

Those that walk the closest with me know that I have spent the past 4 months doing stuff with college campus ministries. Really, mostly, learning the college culture nowadays-- and getting my swag on. haha! Actually, I have been learning so much about the next generation and the things that college students are facing in today's society. Drugs. Sexual purity. Alcohol. Pressure. Sexuality. Left to themselves to find their way, you can imagine where that leads...

Over the last 7 years or so, sex-trafficking has become a household term. I remember the first time I heard it, I almost didn't know how to process the idea that girls were being sold for sex. Not sure if I can even say it was overwhelming. I think that I was more "blank". And, over the last few years, I have learned just a little bit about it. The evil. The pure disregard for human life. The shame connected to it. And, that it happens all over the world… even the U.S. Again, you can imagine the life altering affect this has on a young girl…

And, lately… shootings. Just in the last 10 days I have read or heard about 3 of them. In different areas, with different motives, and different situations. But, shootings. Innocent people being killed. 

Its like, one morning they got dressed to go to work, just like I did this morning. 

Then, they drove in to work and spent the day at a cubicle, just like I did today. 

Maybe, then they decided to go shopping or workout at the Y, just like I did tonight. 

And, they were shot and killed. Innocent victims. Someone's daughter. Someone's mom. Someones son or cousin. 

I found myself on the stair climber tonight watching the news of a shooting today, and felt fear come over me. What if someone came in here and just started shooting. Instantly, I started thinking "this is all just too much. Maybe I should be more careful about where I go."

Then, Jesus spoke to me. "Reach out to these people around you." 

I started to look around, and felt the weightedness of the opportunity that I have today to lend a smile, have a conversation, or start a friendship with someone that is outside of my safe, Christian bubble. I found myself saying in my heart, "I wonder if these shooters (or sex traffickers) had Christians that were around them?" I mean, did God tug on someone's heart to share the love of the Gospel with them? I wonder. 

I look at all the opportunities I have to join the Holy Spirit in what He is doing on the earth in the lives of people-- and I am grieved by how I have allowed myself to become so selfish and self-centered with my prayers and with my time. And, I have wept over my fears of how I will be perceived if I pray for someone at the grocery store. I am so saddened by the way that I have emptied the power out of the Gospel by not believing fully the life found in it. It is the power of God unto salvation for those that believe…and the more I read it with a desire to share it with others, I am overwhelmed by the welcoming nature of the Gospel. All are welcome…but, they must be told. We have to tell them… "there is room at the Cross. Come, sit next to me"…

Rescuing sex trafficking victims and heightening gun laws are a MUST. I love what Christine Cain is doing with the A21 Campaign, and am so thankful for her bravery-- and for what God is doing to restore the lives of the girls that are being rescued! My question, though, is what about the men that are selling these girls? My question is, what about the parents of the 16 year old girl that is exposing her to deep racial hatred? These people that act out in such violence, are hopeless and hurting. THEY, too, need to hear about the Good News of forgiveness and healing. We can rescue, and we can educate… but only Jesus can heal the deepest longing of those that are committing these acts. Only Jesus can come into their hearts and make them clean. Only Jesus, because of His death, burial, resurrection and ascension, can give life and true hope. Lasting and full. 

I don't know. I'm not sure how to "end" this post. I guess, I would just ask that we, as Christians, would be more aware of those around us… those that are in need of Jesus. Personally, I have felt deeply challenged the last few days to take some time to learn how to really present and explain the Gospel...in its entirety. 

God. Sin. Separation. Redemption. Jesus. The Cross. Repentance. New Life. 

Lets take steps to not just "be the gospel without using words", and lets actually take steps to articulate the Gospel with love, compassion and truth. 

I admit that I have never prayed with someone to give their lives to Jesus. Never. 

My prayer is that this year, that will change.