This morning when I woke up (really, when I dragged my tired self out of bed) to read my bible and pray, the Holy Spirit started to talk to me about 1 thing.
Idols.
Let me rewind. Last night, Wendy and I went to hear Kim Walker-Smith and Katie Torwalt in "concert". As the worship started, and I started talking to Jesus about certain relationships, needing direction and such… I realized that I have been down this road before. It looks a little like... "Jesus, help me to not be hurt… Jesus, I am hurt…I am done, I don't care anymore… why is it always like this for me…". Last night as I talked to Him, I heard deep in my heart the question, "And, why is this always an issue?". I perked up. My response… "umm, I don't know."
He said to me..."Idols. You care about what people think more than you care about what I think. You want relationships with people more than you want a living relationship with me. You desire approval from people more than you desire approval from me. You want to belong to others more than you want to belong to me."
I cry a lot, and although there were many tears… I got pretty quiet. In that moment, with Jesus talking into the deepest places in my heart, I realized that I had missed it for so many years. I realized that I had exalted so many things above my love for Jesus.
You see, idols in my life are hard to spot… at least from my perspective. As I made my "these are my idols" list in my head… here are words that came up. Prestige. Success. Likeability. Being important. Being right.
Aren't these okay things? Yes. And no.
I mean I CAN idolize money, and get a lack of peace in return. I CAN idolize being liked or a position, and gain spinning thoughts of comparison. I CAN idolize success, and get anxiety as my return.
Not so sure I like what this whole "idol" thing is doing in my heart and life. I think I'll go on a journey of placing my trust fully in Jesus instead. I give him my idols, and he gives me strength, peace, fullness, hope and trust. And, as I have trusted him today a little more, my list of idols are slowly losing strength in my life. And, I am so thankful.
Yup. Yup. Journeying onward,
Nandi
