The Chasm.

The Truth has been on my mind. 

...Where did I get what I believe is the Truth about God? What is it that has formed what I believe about Jesus and His life, death, resurrection, ascension and return? Who have I copied without first checking what I was being taught by the written word of God? 

These questions all started with an ongoing conversation that I have had with a new sweet friend of mine. Her and I have been talking for a while about being "other"-- and as we have talked and prayed and discussed the word of God together, I have found that much of what I have thought as radically devoted to God is actually… normal, biblical Christianity. 

I mean, looking at just the Gospels, we see Jesus telling His followers...

…to take up your cross and lose your life

…that murder and adultery actually happens at intent

…that forgiveness is not realized at a certain number

…that the mouth gives an open view of the heart

As I have been reading my bible again with a desire for it to show me what is in my own heart, I have found myself being confronted with the chasm that separates how I actually live from what I read in the Truth of God's word. 

Let me give you an example. 

Just recently I had a conversation with someone that really bothered me. Like really bothered me. And, at first, I was so righteously angry at the other person for sharing something inappropriate and seemingly spiteful about another believer. As I thought about it more and more, I found myself almost in tears. Then, I heard the gentle and loving whisper of the Holy Spirit... 

..."Nandi, why are you so angry?"... 

I fumbled a bit. Then, I told Jesus that I was mad at what had been said and started pointing the finger at the other person. "Well, Jesus, they said…, and then it made me feel….". He let me just talk and talk and talk, and when I had finally taken a breath... ever so lovingly, the Holy Sprit started to flash scenes in my mind of conversations that I had had just recently that were ALMOST IDENTICAL to what I had experienced, EXCEPT that I was the one speaking slanderously. I was the one who was sharing things that I had no business talking about. Things that were not edifying, strengthening or encouraging. They were ugly, mean and spiteful. Really, all from a place of my own insecurity and giving in to gossip. Ugh. 

Thats when I began to cry and just ask God for his forgiveness. I was so grieved by my own sin and ugliness. 

In a moment, the Holy Spirit brought a phrase that a really respected leader in my life said to a group that I was in… he said, "don't say or start any conversation with someone, about someone else, that you wouldn't finish if that person walked right up to you". Wow. Isn't that so opposite from the world? But, wait… to go a step further, I am starting to see that this way of living is so opposite of MY own Christianity. Doesn't the bible say that others will know us by our love, one to another? Man. I sure did miss that boat!

So, what next on this journey? I mean what do I do with all of this? Honestly, I am not 100% sure what it will look like on the outside, but I know that I have had some decisions to make on the inside when it comes to the Truth... 

I have made the decision to believe the word of God, no matter what. I have decided that the bible is true when it talks about caring for widows and orphans, and when it talks about the bountiful riches we receive in the family of God. I have decided that the bible is true when it says that lying is a sin, and when it talks about the abounding love of Christ available to us who believe.  

I have decided to take the entire bible as the Truth, not just parts that feel really good… and I have to admit, its been an interesting journey!

And actually, in all of this… it has made me realize more and more in the deepest places of my heart that without His grace, His power, His help, His forgiveness and His leading… I will continue to give in to the temptation to make the Almighty into an image that I can wrap my mind around. Let's just say that the whisper that has come out of my mouth more lately than any other time in my walk with Jesus has been, "help me"... 

In the end, I am learning that what I have been told, believed and seen as radical is actually...normal. So, I guess this season is all about...

A new normal. 

(journeying onward)

The Gospel.

Those that walk the closest with me know that I have spent the past 4 months doing stuff with college campus ministries. Really, mostly, learning the college culture nowadays-- and getting my swag on. haha! Actually, I have been learning so much about the next generation and the things that college students are facing in today's society. Drugs. Sexual purity. Alcohol. Pressure. Sexuality. Left to themselves to find their way, you can imagine where that leads...

Over the last 7 years or so, sex-trafficking has become a household term. I remember the first time I heard it, I almost didn't know how to process the idea that girls were being sold for sex. Not sure if I can even say it was overwhelming. I think that I was more "blank". And, over the last few years, I have learned just a little bit about it. The evil. The pure disregard for human life. The shame connected to it. And, that it happens all over the world… even the U.S. Again, you can imagine the life altering affect this has on a young girl…

And, lately… shootings. Just in the last 10 days I have read or heard about 3 of them. In different areas, with different motives, and different situations. But, shootings. Innocent people being killed. 

Its like, one morning they got dressed to go to work, just like I did this morning. 

Then, they drove in to work and spent the day at a cubicle, just like I did today. 

Maybe, then they decided to go shopping or workout at the Y, just like I did tonight. 

And, they were shot and killed. Innocent victims. Someone's daughter. Someone's mom. Someones son or cousin. 

I found myself on the stair climber tonight watching the news of a shooting today, and felt fear come over me. What if someone came in here and just started shooting. Instantly, I started thinking "this is all just too much. Maybe I should be more careful about where I go."

Then, Jesus spoke to me. "Reach out to these people around you." 

I started to look around, and felt the weightedness of the opportunity that I have today to lend a smile, have a conversation, or start a friendship with someone that is outside of my safe, Christian bubble. I found myself saying in my heart, "I wonder if these shooters (or sex traffickers) had Christians that were around them?" I mean, did God tug on someone's heart to share the love of the Gospel with them? I wonder. 

I look at all the opportunities I have to join the Holy Spirit in what He is doing on the earth in the lives of people-- and I am grieved by how I have allowed myself to become so selfish and self-centered with my prayers and with my time. And, I have wept over my fears of how I will be perceived if I pray for someone at the grocery store. I am so saddened by the way that I have emptied the power out of the Gospel by not believing fully the life found in it. It is the power of God unto salvation for those that believe…and the more I read it with a desire to share it with others, I am overwhelmed by the welcoming nature of the Gospel. All are welcome…but, they must be told. We have to tell them… "there is room at the Cross. Come, sit next to me"…

Rescuing sex trafficking victims and heightening gun laws are a MUST. I love what Christine Cain is doing with the A21 Campaign, and am so thankful for her bravery-- and for what God is doing to restore the lives of the girls that are being rescued! My question, though, is what about the men that are selling these girls? My question is, what about the parents of the 16 year old girl that is exposing her to deep racial hatred? These people that act out in such violence, are hopeless and hurting. THEY, too, need to hear about the Good News of forgiveness and healing. We can rescue, and we can educate… but only Jesus can heal the deepest longing of those that are committing these acts. Only Jesus can come into their hearts and make them clean. Only Jesus, because of His death, burial, resurrection and ascension, can give life and true hope. Lasting and full. 

I don't know. I'm not sure how to "end" this post. I guess, I would just ask that we, as Christians, would be more aware of those around us… those that are in need of Jesus. Personally, I have felt deeply challenged the last few days to take some time to learn how to really present and explain the Gospel...in its entirety. 

God. Sin. Separation. Redemption. Jesus. The Cross. Repentance. New Life. 

Lets take steps to not just "be the gospel without using words", and lets actually take steps to articulate the Gospel with love, compassion and truth. 

I admit that I have never prayed with someone to give their lives to Jesus. Never. 

My prayer is that this year, that will change.