Bye Felicia, I Mean Facebook.

Bye Felicia. 

I am deactivating my Facebook page. And I bet it seems a bit "dramatic" to write a blog post about why. Oh well, call me dramatic. I don't mind! haha. But, really, I am writing about this because I don't want people to think that I am just "sick of" the political, societal and relational drama that pops up daily on my FB feed. Or, that I am just being "anti social" or acting as an ultra conservative hermit. 

Here are my reasons...

1) My Ego- I like when I get "likes". A superficial thumbs up in a Facebook post or picture is feeding my desire for popularity. Sometimes leading to checking my Facebook page 10-15 times a day...and that is a low estimate. 

2) My Time - It ends up being about 35 minutes a day of what I would call "mindless entertainment". But actually, it isn't mindless. It is affecting my heart and pushing my buttons. And that 4 hours a week adds up!

3) My Friends- I need a season of redefining (for myself) what friendship really looks like :)

4) My Agenda- I have found myself pushing my own personal agenda on Facebook. I want people to think, act and talk like me. I do. And, I want to use social media to tell my side of the story through my status updates. And I really shouldn't. It's spiteful and ugly. 

5) My Perfect Picture- I frame pictures. I set them up with the perfect view in the background with the perfect "facial expression". Sometimes, I will take 10 pictures of the same thing to make sure it is "Facebook/Instagram" worthy. Yikes. 

6) My "Reality" - I know people who are struggling, lonely, depressed and overwhelmed with life... and yet, every FB post is happy, cheerful and #perfect. Now, I have no place to judge motives, and it could be therapeutic for them. I'm just saying that I have found myself doing that sometimes too-- enough to make me want to take a closer look at why. 

7) My Mind- Basically, I want to learn more about our society/culture-- and get my news from credible sources... instead of checking my FB feed first thing in the morning.  I want to learn about things that I feel are of true value to me :)

8) I want more SPACE for my relationship with the Lord :) All I will say here is that when I realized that "fasting social media" was considered an option in my mind... I knew that something needed to change :) 

9) My Voice- I am opinionated. (shocker??!!) And, posting my opinion or thoughts on social media isn't really about anyone else but myself! It wasn't in an effort to serve someone else or love someone else. It was about MEEEEE. And that selfishness has to change. 

10) My heart- I've been unintentionally hurt by things my friends have posted on FB. unintentionally, but hurt nonetheless. On the flip side, I am sure I have hurt people too from insensitive posts or uploading pictures from dinner parties that leave other friends out :( 

11) Social Change- I think that our communities and neighborhoods need people who are intentional and have a desire for real change. AND, I have found that social media (Facebook in particular) has a way of superficially satisfying my desire to affect change.... but in reality, all I have done is posted about racism or loving others.  I haven't physically invested. I haven't really touched someone else. By posting on social media, I have felt like I am doing something, when in reality... I am not doing anything but typing on my iPhone or computer. 

I am fully aware that some might think that these reasons are not substantial, or not really a big deal. Maybe so.  I am just saying that I got caught up in the social media black hole and I don't like it. 

As I have shared about my departure from FB, there have been a handful of sweet, sweet people that have shared that they want to keep in touch and have actually enjoyed reading and watching stuff in my life unfold. So, I won't say that I will be "gone" forever. But, what I will say is that when I do come back on FB in 6 months, a year or 10 years... it will be with greater clarity about the purpose and place that it has in my life. It will be on my "terms" if you will :) 

So, there you go. I think that Facebook is an incredible tool for so many reasons. Artists, Musicians, writers, and people in need can find traction and garner community support. It is a place where families and friends can be involved in one another lives. It is a space where long distance friendship can continue to grow and flourish. All positive things. 

Personally, though, I have seen it do more damage than good in the last year or so. 

And, although I will miss seeing updates about the lives of people that I truly love, I am choosing (for a season) to give myself the gift of time and space. With an extra 45 minutes a day, I will have ...

...Time to listen to Ted Talks and read the NY Times

...Time to finish Screwtape Letters and Narnia 

...Time to actually do things in my community that matter... putting my words into action

...Space to write in my journal without being so distracted

...Space to write and mail letters to friends 

...Time to have long, thoughtful conversations

...Space to ponder and think about the future that God has for me

My heart and mind will be better for it :) 

So, bye-bye for now, Facebook... 

Journeying onward, 

Nandi 

PS. I watched a really neat Ted Talk by Pico Iyer called "The Art of Stillness"-- take a look see. It is a neat perspective and adds more words to what I shared in this post. (As if I needed help with using more words! haha). 

Ted Talk- Pico Iyer

Monday night. The dinner table. In Baltimore.

For the most part, I have been silent and (in all honesty) steered clear of the conversations surrounding the racial climate of our nation over the last few years. I just have been. It’s really heartbreaking to even admit.

But, over the last few days it has been different. You see, all that is happening surround Freddie Gray’s death has hit so close to home for me. Literally. I have been in Baltimore at my brother’s house since Sunday. The pain, unrest, fighting, constant media coverage and strong language has been difficult to stomach. Especially last night.

My nieces and nephew came home from school yesterday just as the peaceful protests because violent and destructive. TV News coverage and social media started to erupt. And, sad to say, I did what I usually do when this stuff happens. I shake my head, and say “it’s so sad” or “it doesn’t have to be this way”.  And more than anything, I distance myself. Then, just as I was allowing my heart to become hard once again, one of my nieces started to read the tweets that her friends were posting about those that were rioting last night…

“these people are terrorists”

“next time a cop does something bad, pull up the videos of these animals ruining Baltimore and tell me who was in the wrong”

“they should be shot with rubber bullets and have their hands cut off”

As she read these to us, I was shocked. So sad. And hurt for her...for us all. It was the look on her face. It was hearing the hurt in her voice. And then she said “…and they are supposed to be my friends”. Ugh. Visibly, it was getting to all of us. We tried to make sense of what was happening on TV and what her friends at school were saying. Dehumanizing those that were rioting because they were black. So hurtful. 

Then, a few memories came up for me…

I was 16.  I got a new car for my birthday. As I was leaving school, a group of guys waved a confederate flag in front of my car as I pulled out of the school parking lot. I was crushed. I sobbed the entire way home.  

I was 22 and working in Nashville, a lady that worked at a supermarket (in Brentwood, mind you) followed me out of a store because she suspected that I stole something.  Needless to say I went back inside and had some words with her. I was irate. 

I’ve been the token black person. I have been the diverse face. I have had people say “wow, you are so articulate”—as if I shouldn’t be. It’s hurtful, and until yesterday… it was buried. Deep. Way down. (((AND Don’t get me wrong—it is not in the SAME vicinity as what others have experienced, but it hurt. That’s all I’m saying.)))

Going back to the dinner table last night... it felt like a teeny, tiny bit of what I was seeing on TV was now, in fact, right here. In the kitchen. At the table.  Call it trivial if you want to, but I can tell you that it wasn’t. And as the night went on, my niece (who is AMAZING!) sent an email to the dean of her school expressing the discomfort and hurt she was feeling—while encouraging her fellow students’ rights to freedom of speech. She was respectful while being direct and honest…and her actions challenged me so much. I started to look at myself…

Would I have done that when I was her age? Nope. But, WHY NOT, Nandi?????

Fast forward. Over the course of today, I have done some digging in my own heart and some praying too. Thinking about what my niece did, and praying that the Lord would show me what this means practically for me… and maybe for those of us that want to engage in this. I mean, the Church and those that profess to be Christians play such a vital role in leading the way in these conversations of racial tension and the road to relational reconciliation…. But, how???

Lets start with what the answer is not :) I will use my own mistakes as examples….

The answer is not to turn off the TV and wait for it to blow over. The answer is not to JUST send up a few prayers before bed… YES, we must pray, but fervently and with intention for action. The answer is not to just huddle in a corner with those that fuel the fire towards more talk and no action. The answer is not to use separatist language when talking behind closed doors.

I have done ALLLLLLL of these things listed above. Every. Single. One. It is sad to say it, but I have. Out of my own selfishness, pride, desire for self preservation and fear of what others would think about me, I have remained unmoved by the more controversial social issues facing our generation. I have not just passed the baton, I have left it in its place. Ethereally, leaving it to “other people” to do something…(and who are those other people, Nandi??!! Ugh)

The digging and praying and such lead to a few things that came up in my heart.…

Shrink your world, Nandi: To change the world is daunting…no?? Yes. It is. I felt challenged today to make my world smaller. And, in doing so… engage my friends and family in fruitful conversations regarding prejudice, violence, race relations and other issues of social justice and equality on all fronts—especially those issues that don’t fit in a box and are considered taboo.

Seek to understand, don’t seek to be understood, Nandi: Conversations of this type are few and far between. Open, honest, loving conversations between those that have mutual respect for one another is of utmost importance—specifically those from different economic and racial backgrounds. Until now, I haven’t wanted to understand. Really, I have just wanted to get my point across. The Lord has opened my heart… I want to understand.  

It starts in the home, Nandi: What those kids said on twitter last night was from their parents.  It was.I was like that when I was their age too. Kids are parrots. Now, I am not a parent… but, I can tell you that what you talk about, or don’t talk about, at home speaks VOLUMES. It does. If you don’t talk about it and address racial prejudice and the like… where will they get their answers from? Lets not even go there. Lets just say it won’t be good.

OKAY…. NOW, I am going to go THERE (you know that place you shouldn’t go to, but have to go to… I am going there!)… Both Blacks and Whites have to make some changes at home when dealing specifically with the issue at hand…. TALK about these things at the dinner table, come up with practical solutions for conflict resolution, encourage your kids to use their voices at school and in other social settings aimed at mutual understanding and love.

As a parent, if you really have a heart to see change, create a space for your kids to continue to talk about social injustice, specifically those that are so divisive in our generation. Let them come to you, as parents, to voice their frustrations and ask questions. If you don’t know the answer, that is okay. It is! Just don’t give up… lean in. The home is so important…make it a safe place to talk. As awkward and difficult as it sounds, just do it. You might be surprised what you do or don’t hear. ((I don't profess to know anything about parenting... but, this is something that dropped in my heart and I felt like I needed to share! Just FYI!) 

These aren't the only answers, by any means! But, they are three things that came up so strongly as I looked at MYSELF over the course of today :) 

Whew. That was a long one… but, that’s okay because I had a lot to say I guess!

And, I want to also put it out there (for anyone that actually read this far), that if you are reading this and have questions and want to engage in thoughtful exchange about any of this, I would LOVE THAT! I really would. And, if I don’t know something… I will prayerfully seek out answers and do the best I can.

Thanks for listening. I pray that God would help me in all of this. 

Journeying onward,

Nandi

PS…my niece was just elected as the VP of Diversity at her school for the next calendar year! I am so PROUD of her for stepping into a space that can make a real difference. Even if one person is challenged, like I was, it will be such a successful year :)