I mean, if we look at the instructions, commandments and promises in the bible, aren’t so many of them there to remind us of the truth WHEN we start to believe a lie? I mean, we wouldn’t need to be told “do not be anxious” if we would never struggle with it. Just a thought.
So, the past week has been a lull in my life—a lull at work. A lull in my personal life. Just a lull. It’s not a bad lull necessarily—just a little quieter. Anyway—in this lull, I have found myself just enjoying the pace. Then, I had a few conversations last week that got me really excited about the potential for a completely new season in my life. It wasn’t a boy—for all you who know that I am single. Haha! But, it just got me so excited! Just an open door that I have been waiting for and an opportunity that was beyond what I could have imagined would happen in this season.
And then.
Silence. And then. More silence and waiting. I started to think that I might not see this “opportunity” come to pass in my life. I was face to face with the fear that THIS might be another “oh well, God has a better plan” sob story. I am sooooo not good at waiting!!!
When I got to work this morning, I started to feel my stomach turn in knots and my breathing quicken—and it dawned on me. I am anxious. These days of being “in between” and silence is creating a tension that is leading to anxiety… and it feels awful.
So, I did what I do when I need to get alone with the Lord. I got under my desk and opened my bible. I texted a few friends and asked for prayer… and then started to read. I struggled to get my heart quiet enough to hear and fought with myself for several minutes… and then a friend text me this verse as I was reading it…
”…the Lord is near… Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Phil 4:5-7).
I took the first part of that verse. And thought about it for a few minutes. He is near. Close. Next to me. Cheering me on. Loving me. Right here.
I took the second part of that verse. Give him everything while thanking him for all he has done. I did that… out loud, under my desk. I thanked him for his saving grace in my life. I thanked him for my family and friends. I thanked him for the hope that I have in Him.
As I sat there, I realized that I had a choice.
I could either believe the FACTS of my life (I am waiting, single, its silent…) or I could believe the TRUTH of what the word of God says about me (God has good plans for me, he cares and is fighting for me)...
Facts vs Truth. What will it be?? What will I put my faith in right now?!!
I can remember God’s past faithfulness. I can choose joy in the midst’s of this. I can admit to God that I need his presence… like 500 times over the next hour. I can speak the truth of the scriptures over my heart and have faith that they will do what they have been sent forth to accomplish. I can continue to pray prayers of faith and yet give Him the final say as to what happens on the other side of this waiting…
It’s a choice. We all have a choice when it comes to the things that we are feeling so “in betweeny” about. Anxiety will not make the season go by faster. Times of silence and waiting are the perfect opportunity for us to choose how we wait. The season will end…what will I remember when I look back. Faith and trust, or anxiety??!!
And I am asking Him for the courage to choose the truth!!! I am not quite there yet, but I have taken a half a step!!! Do I think that miraculously my anxiety will all go away in the next 3 minutes? I really don’t think so. BUT, do I think that God is close and hears and loves and is in my corner?! Yes…absolutely!!!
So, here I am! Journeying onward today… and speaking the word of God over my life—stretching my faith to believe that it’s doing something, even if I can’t feel it!
Sincerely,
Nandi
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