This is one of those blog posts that sits on your mind and heart for days, probably even weeks… and then finally it all comes together…
Yesterday was a really fun day for my church family because we had church in the park! It is always such a great time of connection, conversation and just worshipping God in a really neat way. Plus, I got to hang with Aliza during worship, which is always soooo fun…
As worship ended, though, I found myself retreating. Like really retreating. Like pulling back and just wanting to be by myself. I could feel it starting as people started to arrive at 10 AM, and it is almost like I didn't even really know what was happening-- and yet part of me did, but didn't know how to stop it. I was thinking to myself "what is wrong with you"… "why aren't you hanging out with everyone". I don't know if this was the "right" thing to do or not, but I just decided instead of being angry with myself and going into shame and anxiety… that I would just let myself be. I would just say "oh well, this is where I am at right now-- and I can't seem to change it… so, here it is". So, I did just that. As the picnic and eating time started, I kept hearing things in my head like "they have family, and you don't". And "see, they are married and you don't have that. And "is anyone going to talk to you when you leave here… no". And, on and on and on. It just kept going until I left the park and headed home…
The rest of the afternoon at home was hard.. like really hard. Honestly, just being tired of being alone what feels like all the time. Tired of the fact that I am not dating, and really never have. At 31. And overwhelmed with the reality that as much as there are so many people here that are like family to me-- and that I love so dearly, and they love me back… there is nothing like being able to show up at my parents house and rummage through their fridge. There is nothing like coming home to someone who you know will always be there. Since I left home at the age of 17, I haven't had these things…and sometimes it just comes up and I can't keep it in…
Anyway… I texted a friend when I just started to feel like I was on the brink of an unravel. I basically just said "… hey if you think of it, if you could send up a prayer for me today, that would be great… feeling like it could be an interesting afternoon… thanks". I would have just expected "Yes, I will be praying for you"... BUT, that wasn't what I got… what I got was…
"I will totally pray for you sweet one…" and then "why will it be a rough afternoon? Are you sad?"… and when I responded with my struggles with singleness, this person said "I get that… and you deserve that special someone…"
I can't even put into words what it felt like to know that someone was going beyond just blanket words… but took another step. A step to say "I am here, walking with you". A step to come alongside, simply by asking a question and going a little bit further. It meant the world to me… and the Lord really used it to take me over a hump. And slowly, I found myself drawing closer to the Lord and my night got better as it went on-- I mean, I had to take some steps myself, but her response set my face and feet going in the right direction…
Those of you that have experienced this, know what I am talking about.
Tonight as I drove home from a hike, the Lord started to show me the different ways that we as Christians respond to pain and hurt. I have seen that...
1) pain makes people uncomfortable…it makes them want to fix things...
2) people have "cookie cutter" response to pain… not knowing what to say...
3) people struggle with entering into pain and sitting in it with others...
4) people often say things, that unknowingly, dismiss pain…
And honestly, for the 5 years I worked at Mercy… I was more like this list above than anyone!!! I just want to "fix" because pain is hard to watch-- and to feel.
So, all of this is to say…I have been feeling challenged all day today to do better in this area of my life! When someone is hurting, I want to take a step back and instead of saying the first thing I think… choose to validate them. When someone is crying, instead of telling them not to cry… tell them "i'm sorry". When someone is doubting God's purpose and plan for their lives, I want to just hear them out… instead of quoting bible verses that can sometimes actually bring more condemnation than healing…
Lately I have thought to myself… when Jesus saw someone in pain, did he tell them it was wrong what they were feeling, or did he just sit with them in it even for a minute??? Did he tell the woman with the issue of blood "umm… I don't think that you should be needing this from me… just be fine... just relax… God has a good plan for your life". I dunno. But, I believe that He entered into her world… and was able to see life from her perspective…. perfectly. He got into her shoes, he felt her heart, he understood what this type of affliction would do to her socially, mentally and emotionally. He was moved with compassion. Full compassion. And that is what loving one another is all about…
Lets have compassion on one another.
Lets go beyond with people.
Lets realize that everyone has a story, every single day.
Lets hug the people around us that need it.
Lets listen, even if we are busy.
Lets ask a few more questions, even if we don't know where it is going to lead.
Lets love people in their pain, even when it is hard and uncomfortable.
Lets be aware of those around us that need an ear, even when all we have is a minute.
Lets start to live our lives like Jesus did… letting love and compassion lead. I want to be one of these people.
Romas 12:15-"Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep."
No comments:
Post a Comment